Military Wisdom

[skoltuniak]

Another from your friends at MGO

Wit and Wisdom from Military Manuals
'If the Enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal

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'It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed'
- U.S. Air Force Manual

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'Aim towards the Enemy'
- Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

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'When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.'
- U.S. Marine Corps

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'Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed always to hit the ground.'
- USAF Ammo Troop

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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur

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'Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.'
- Infantry Journal

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'You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me.'
- U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt. (Mgysgt5)

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'Tracers work both ways.'
- U.S. Army Ordnance

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'Five second fuses only last three seconds'
- Infantry Journal

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'Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer
to do anything.'
- U.S. Navy Swabbie

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'Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.'
- David Hackworth

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'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal

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'No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.'
- Joe Gay

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'Any ship can be a minesweeper.Once.'
- unknown

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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Marine Recruit

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'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.'

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'If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.'
- USAF Ammo Troop

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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

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'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
submarines in the sky.'
- From an old carrier sailor

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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter - and therefore, unsafe.'

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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

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'Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying
club.'

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'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a
pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot dies.'

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'Never trade luck for skill.'

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that?'
'Where are we?' And
'Oh S...!'

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'Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.'

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'Airspeed, altitude and brains - two are always needed to complete the
flight successfully.'

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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!'

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'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag to store
dead batteries.'

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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything
about it.'
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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

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'A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its
maximum.'
- Jon McBride, astronaut

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'If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible.'
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )

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'A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
unit.'
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

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'Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.'

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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

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Basic Flying Rules: 'Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near
the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance
of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more
difficult to fly there.

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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power
to taxi to the terminal.'

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off
the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the
rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'

The pilot's reply, 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

[Cyberfly]

Okay, those were great! I need to email those out!! :lmao:

[MrSlippyFist]

I recognize a lot of those from "Murphy's Laws of Combat"

[Wollychop]

Oldies but goodies.

In the army we say "rotary wing" in reference to helicopters.

In the navy they say "helo" which sounds fairly cool.

The air force, in its exciting way, says "helicopter."

In the marines, they point and say "Oh!! OH OH OH OH!!!"

[DAUG]

+1 , I liked it too :thumb:

[bobapunk]

What happend to the Army calling them "whop whops"?

[Wollychop]

:laugh:

[EARS]

Good ones, enjoyed them all.

[skoltuniak]

What happend to the Army calling them "whop whops"?

Only if it's an Italian pilot! :laugh:

[Ariac]

:lmao:

[Rapier1772]

All are good but I am surprised that Wolly didnt have more to say :p :lmao:

[Wollychop]

:huh:

There are just too many good jokes out there, and no service is safe.

Although, having the motto "it ain't gay if its underway" does set the navy apart.

Of course, the army may have tens of thousands of boots on the ground in Iraq. What you don't know is that two thirds of them are responsible for checking ID cards at the DFAC and making sure soldiers are wearing their reflective belts after sunset.

Tracers point both ways... So do lasers.

But Iraqis are terrified of lasers for some reason :laugh:

You know you have your priorities bass ackwards when your senior leadership treats microsoft outlook calander problems like a major priority issue, but indirect fire attacks are sort of something you have to "live with".

Random thoughts while bored at work.

[Reverend Herc]

:lmao: :lmao:

[MrSlippyFist]

You know you have your priorities bass ackwards when your senior leadership treats microsoft outlook calander problems like a major priority issue, but indirect fire attacks are sort of something you have to "live with".

Holy shit - I don't know how many times I pointed that out but was disciplined for being out of line.

[flyingirish04]

Wolly I heard that joke a bit different:

What does a marine call a helo? 'Uhhhhhh' as his head follows it through the sky.

What does a marine call a jet? "Uh." as his head snaps around following it though the sky.

Some others:

How do you know a person is a pilot when he walks past you? He will tell you.

What is the best form of birth control for Avaitors? Their personality.

What is long, black, hard and full of seaman? A submarine

Everyone knows that when it is BASH (bird Advisory Safety Hazard) condition Red, planes don't fly, but what about when it is BASH condition Chuck Norris? Birds don't fly.

When a sub goes out, there are 300 crew that go out with, and 150 couples when it comes back into port.

It is pretty funny how when the Army first tested there CRAM (think phalanx cannon with explosive rounds to knock IDF incomings out of the sky) on Victory Based Complex, more troops were wounded by the cannon's shrapnel then in IDF attacks that month.

[flyingirish04]

Another random thought:

It is funny to see an Iraqi street dog go from growling and baring its teeth at any Iraqi that comes near it, to wagging its tale and wiggling with happiness when an armor laden, gun toting GI comes near. What the hell are the Iraqi's doing to their dogs???

[Wollychop]

What the hell are the Iraqi's doing to their dogs???

They really don't like dogs.

There was a particularly friendly one down in Al Kut that would sleep under our vehicles, bum food, generally a good dog, but the locals would throw rocks at it.

Holy shit - I don't know how many times I pointed that out but was disciplined for being out of line.

Yup. I got locked up big time by a Major because I said it was rediculous that we were waiting to brief a mission because the network was down, when we had all of our products, maps, etc done. I said "it's silly that we're letting this stupid problem hold us up." He seemed personally offended and ripped up the S6 because he (the major) couldn't access his powerpoint slides that he had so passionately created. He told me I had a "lot to learn".

It really disgusts me. :furious: